By: Jesutomiwo Adebumowa
I see how you feel.
I feel how you see.
I perceive. I understand.
I learn. I reach out.
To make the world a better place,
I become a better person.
Today, I watched a mother gently correct her son. “She’s your sister, a human being with emotions, just like you. Throwing her toy away won’t bring happiness.” She went on to teach him how kindness could build bonds, not break them. In that moment, I realized emotional intelligence isn’t innate—it’s taught, nurtured, and shown in everyday choices. A simple lesson, yet a profound truth.
Introduction
For too long, boys have been conditioned to suppress their emotions, equating vulnerability with weakness. This outdated narrative has placed them in an emotional straitjacket. Emotional Intelligence (EI) is not just a skill—it’s a lifeline. Teaching boys to recognize, manage, and express their emotions creates empathetic leaders, resilient individuals, and compassionate friends.
Dearest people, you would agree with me that it’s high time to rewrote the narrative. For generations, society has placed boys in an emotional straitjacket. “Boys don’t cry.” “Man up.” “Be tough.” These phrases have conditioned boys to equate emotional expression with weakness. But what if we raised boys differently? What if we empowered them to understand, express, and regulate their emotions? What if we raised boys who feel? What if boys are taught to recognize their emotions, articulate their feelings, and empathize with the world around them. Sounds revolutionary, right?
What Emotional Intelligence Really Means
At its core, emotional intelligence is about connection—understanding yourself and the people around you. Emotional intelligence (EI) is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage one’s own emotions while also empathizing with and responding to the emotions of others. It’s not about being overly emotional; it’s about emotional literacy—the skill to read emotions, process them, and use them to guide actions and decisions.
Psychologist Daniel Goleman identifies five components: self-awareness, self-regulation, empathy, motivation, and social skills. These skills are critical in helping boys navigate relationships, make thoughtful decisions, and lead with compassion.
In today’s world, where mental health challenges and rigid masculinity norms dominate, EI equips boys to break free from harmful stereotypes and build meaningful lives. Research shows EI is a stronger predictor of success than IQ, making it essential for boys’ academic, personal, and professional growth.
Why Emotional Intelligence is Crucial for Boys
Boys today face unique pressures from societal expectations, academic demands, and rigid masculinity norms. The inability to process emotions often leads to mental health issues. Studies show that boys taught EI experience reduced anxiety, improved relationships, and greater success in academics and careers. Society often expects them to be tough, detached, and stoic, while simultaneously demanding they excel academically, socially, and professionally. This dichotomy alone create an emotional turmoil for a lifetime.
According to the American Psychological Association, men are four times more likely to die by suicide than women, and the inability to process or articulate emotions plays a significant role. Boys taught to suppress their feelings are less likely to seek help, address mental health concerns, or form deep, meaningful connections. But there’s hope. A study by the University of Toronto found that emotional intelligence training reduces anxiety and improves mental health outcomes, especially in young people. Teaching boys to understand and express their emotions isn’t just kind—it’s lifesaving.
One of the biggest barriers to emotional intelligence in boys is society’s outdated and downright absurd stereotype that feelings are “soft.” Really? Is it weak to communicate effectively? Is it soft to build strong, healthy relationships? Absolutely not. It’s time we toss these questions to the world when stereotypes comes up.
Sadly, for too long, society has burdened boys with a playbook that glorifies emotional suppression. To set the record straight: emotional intelligence is not a weakness; it’s the ultimate strength. Leaders with high EI—like Nelson Mandela and Barack Obama—have changed the world, not because they suppressed their emotions but because they embraced them. Empathy, self-awareness, and resilience aren’t just traits of good men—they’re traits of great leaders, because with ability to feel comes with a genuine mindset to help and impact others people lives positively and that’s the power of emotional intelligence. That’s the making of the total man.
So listen, emotional intelligence as an optional extra for boys. It’s not a luxury; it’s a necessity. When boys are taught to feel, they don’t just grow—they flourish. They become men who lead with integrity, connect deeply, and impact the world positively.
How to Raise Boys Who Feel
Creating emotionally intelligent boys requires environments that normalize emotions rather than suppress them. Here’s how:
- Teach Emotional Articulation: Encourage boys to name their emotions, e.g., “I feel frustrated because…”
- Model Empathy: Parents and caregivers must demonstrate emotional intelligence for boys to emulate.
- Encourage Creative Expression: Activities like journaling, storytelling, or art help boys process emotions safely.
- Practice Mindfulness: Introduce deep breathing and reflection to manage stress and emotions effective
- Celebrate Vulnerability: Normalize seeking help, crying, and admitting mistakes to redefine strength.
The Ripple Effect of Emotional Intelligence
Boys with high EI uplift those around them. They build strong relationships, handle conflicts with empathy, and excel in leadership roles. According to TalentSmart, 90% of top performers in workplaces exhibit high EI, proving that emotional intelligence is a cornerstone of success.
Here’s where it gets powerful. Boys with high emotional intelligence don’t just benefit themselves—they uplift everyone around them. They form deeper connections with their friends, communicate better with family, and grow into men who lead with empathy and strength.
In fact, studies show that EI is a better predictor of success than IQ. According to a report by TalentSmart, 90% of top performers in the workplace have high emotional intelligence. For boys, this means EI isn’t just about being a better friend or son—it’s about being a better leader, partner, and citizen.
Conclusion
At the end of the day, raising boys with emotional intelligence isn’t just about feelings—it’s about creating the total man. A man who is self-aware and resilient. A man who leads with empathy and communicates with purpose. A man who can handle life’s highs and lows with grace and strength. Raising boys with emotional intelligence isn’t about making them overly emotional—it’s about preparing them for life. Boys with EI become men who lead with compassion, connect deeply, and handle challenges with resilience. By teaching boys to feel, we’re not only shaping their futures but also creating a world built on understanding, kindness, and purpose.
Emotional intelligence is the foundation of the total man: a man who embodies integrity, lives with intention, and changes the world for the better.
