At five, Daniel was a chatterbox, curious, expressive, and endlessly fascinated by the world. His family called him “Questionnaire” because he asked about everything, from stars to ants.
But as he grew older, things changed.One day, Daniel fell on his way home and cried. His father dismissed him: “Boys don’t cry.” When he confessed a fear of the dark, cousins mocked him saying “You’re acting like a girl.” His teacher told him to “toughen up” when he felt overwhelmed. Each time he showed emotion, he was shut down.
So, he stopped.
By fifteen, Daniel had learned to hide his feelings. He pretended to be okay when his friend moved away, when his grades dropped, when his crush rejected him. By twenty-five, he was the image of a “strong” man. Silent, composed, emotionally distant.
But one evening, sitting alone, he felt something heavy and suffocating. He wanted to speak, but how? To whom? He had been silent for so long, he wasn’t sure how to begin.
THE UNSEEN SCULPTOR
Society is more than laws and institution. it is an invisible sculptor, shaping people through expectations. Boys are molded early into a narrow version of masculinity: strong, silent, emotionless. Vulnerability is equated with weakness.
Silence becomes their shield, and their prison. Pain turns inward. Sadness turns to anger, loneliness into isolation. A boy who never learns to say “I’m struggling” grows into a man who suffers in silence. The world calls him strong, but inside, he’s breaking.
THE COST OF SILENCE
The emotional repression taught to boys has far-reaching consequences:
Mental Health Crisis: Men are less likely to seek help for depression or anxiety. Suppressed emotions often manifest as stress, illness, or aggression.
Strained Relationships: Emotional illiteracy leads to broken communication, misunderstandings, and disconnection from loved ones.
Risk-Taking Behaviours: Repression is linked to substance abuse, reckless behavior, and violence, unhealthy attempts to cope.
Higher Suicide Rates: Men die by suicide at higher rates, often due to unaddressed mental health issues and the societal expectation to “tough it out.”
REDEFINING STRENGTH
True strength lies not in silence but in expression. It takes courage to say, “I need help.” Pain shared is pain halved. Strength is empathy, vulnerability, and honesty.
This is a collective responsibility. We must unlearn the belief that emotion is weakness and create environments where boys feel safe to speak.
WHAT CAN WE DO?
Encourage Expression: Let boys cry. Let them talk. Let them feel.
Redefine Masculinity: Teach that strength includes emotional openness.
Create Safe Spaces: Homes, schools, and workplaces should foster emotional safety.
Promote Mental Health: Normalize therapy and emotional support for men.
Build Supportive Friendships: Encourage boys to form deep, open connections.
CHANGING THE NARRATIVE
Daniel’s story is not rare. But it doesn’t have to be common. If boys are taught that emotions are human, and not shameful, we would raise men who are whole, not hollow.
Strength isn’t suffering in silence. Strength is the courage to speak.
By: Daniella Obikunle
